Franz Lohner's Chronicle - Putting the “War” in Wardrobe

An absent-minded man of mysteries, Franz Lohner relies on his bulging journal to keep track of occurrences, intrigues and arguments around Taal's Horn Keep. Sometimes his notes are even useful, believe it or not. The Franz Lohner Chronicles are extracts from that journal.

So here’s a funny thing about that Ubersreik Five of ours. You know how they keep buying all these hats, frocks and fripperies from yours truly? 

Well, let me make it clear right off the bat that I don’t mind one bit. Coin’s a bit short otherwise, what with there being a war on. What other folks don’t know is missing, they won’t miss, as me dear old mother used to say. Definitely true of the Emperor Karl Franz, who by now has lost a haberdasher’s worth of headgear to our Markus Kruber. Then again, Karl’s probably got other things on his mind, from what I hear. 

Thing is, though … where in blazes do they keep putting it all? I mean, I’m partial to a bit of a wander around the keep when they’re out accomplishing all that do-derring and derring-do. All else aside, I’ve found it wise to return some of Kerillian’s “pets” to the wild before the do one of my lads a mischief, and she does like to hide ‘em in strange places. But in all my searchings and skreevings, I’ve never seen hide nor hair of a wardrobe equal to the gargantuan task of holding all of Sienna’s battle robes, much less Kruber’s chapeau chaparral.

There’s got to be magic involved, but I’ve talked to both Olesya and Rosalinde - poor thing’s come down with a cold, but that’s Light Wizards for you - and they swear blind they’ve got nothing to do with it. And as for Sienna? Well, the only means she has of making things disappear tends towards the permanent, and I can’t see our Saltzpyre letting her set light to his holy robes in the name of something so mundane as storage management.

No, if I were a betting man - and let’s face it, I have to be around here - I’d say someone’s got their mitts on one of Fozzrik’s folding fol-de-rols. Probably Bardin - he does have a nose for valuable things, and it's a very fine nose indeed. Statuesque, if you’re reading, Goreksson. Anyway, Fozzrik had a knack for making large things take up less space, or no space at all. Many’s the time my bacon was saved by a Folding Fortress popping up out of nowhere. A folding wardrobe’d be child’s play compared to that.

Never understood how it worked. Best I could get out of my old mucker Luthor Flamestrike was that Fozzrik had mastered the art of keeping things distant while still keeping ‘em close. Sounds like nonsense to me, but I guess if it keeps the Ubersreik Five spending and my floors clear of discarded clothing, then I’m not about to complain. 

That reminds me, I’ve another shipment coming in. Better get it all priced up …