Olesya's Dispatches - Trouble with tomatoes

The Ubersreik Five may not know Olesya Pimenova as a conversationalist, but the caustic Kislevite is secretly a prolific writer of letters. Amongst her grimoires and arcane paraphernalia are stowed reams of gossip and covert intelligence from across the Old World. To what purpose this correspondence? Nobody knows. Suffice to say, Olesya's fingers are in many pies.

Dearest Kotku,

Somehow, Sonnstill is upon us again along with the usual exuberance and high-spirits. It is no different at the keep, although this year it coincides with a traditional celebration in Sienna’s home village. Our bright wizard was feeling homesick, so decided to rope the rest of the Five into recreating these festivities, which mostly seem to involve fighting with tomatoes. You will not be familiar with these, sister, as they are too feeble to survive in Kislev. It is not entirely clear whether they are fruits or vegetables (you know how I detest ambiguity in foodstuffs, sister) and I consider them to be an inferior and hysterical variety of potato.

Anyhow, it made no odds to me that Lohner’s entire shipment of them (apparently sent specially from Estalia in order to make a special ragu) was destroyed within minutes. Our dashing grail knight was game for the fun, as was our elf. However, as usual, Kerillian’s approach was somewhat misjudged and the ferocity and accuracy with which she pelted Saltzpyre with the mushy fruits rather changed the tone of the afternoon. The zealot was soon dripping in red pulp (very unpleasant down the inside of one’s armour) which quickly attracted a swarm of curious wasps.

Suffice to say, Saltzpyre’s usual sour mood curdled further and he stormed off, much to the amusement of the others. The mood changed when the Sigmarite appeared in a window with the whole barrel of Sonnstill punch the dwarf had prepared, and upended it whilst shouting something about morality and moderation. I’ve never seen Bardin move so quickly.

The Five swept off down into town to join the Sonnstill festivities, with Saltzpyre left tied to a maypole. He doesn’t yet know that as a parting gift, his neatly-pressed laundry has also been doused in tomato-juice. Lohner will be tending some sore heads tomorrow, I’ll wager - although once he finds out about his tomatoes, the Five may be left to tend themselves.

As for me, I’ll be staying at the keep. I’ll leave the celebrations to the young ones.

One more thing, the other day I happened to hear Kerillian mention that she seemed to be running short of fletchings. With the Five out, I’ve a chance to transplant a few more feathers into Kruber’s hat….

Summer blessings,

Olesya