Franz Lohner's Chronicle - Trophies

An absent-minded man of mysteries, Franz Lohner relies on his bulging journal to keep track of occurrences, intrigues and arguments around Taal's Horn Keep. Sometimes his notes are even useful, believe it or not. The Franz Lohner Chronicles are extracts from that journal.

If there’s one hassle about being the all-in-one spy, strategist, logistician, retailer and housekeeper for the Ubersreik Five it’s that they do accumulate a fair number of knick knacks over the course of their adventures. Even ignoring the big ticket items like the Blightreaper and that dwarfen luckstone, there’s plenty of odds and ends accumulating hereabouts.

Take Saltzpyre’s collection of bones, for example. Claims some of them are divine - relics of righteous folk, would you believe? I mean, it might be true, but to be honest I don’t think I could tell them apart from the ossific scraps of skaven Olesya keeps about the place, not if you chucked them all into a box and gave it a good shake. Which, now I come to think of it, I think Sienna did. Can’t say for certain that Saltzpyre knows about that, and I’m not going to be the one to tell him.

Yes, so Saltzpyre has his bones. Bardin, his vintage cheeses and engineering curiosities. I know Kerillian has a series of gemstones she’s rescued from slighted waystones. Apparently there are elven souls slumbering within, which is creepy, even for her. Sienna has her books, some of them magical, some of them literary works from across the Old World, some of them folk tales and nursery rhymes, and just one or two that I’m not to tell Saltzpyre about, for one reason or the other. 

And then, of course, there’s Kruber and his hats. Don’t know what I was thinking about, encouraging his milineryphilia the way I did. Sure, it put some coins in my pocket - and that’s a good feeling - but I reckon it’s bordering on obsession now. I mean, I’ve heard that the Emperor Karl Franz might share the blame for exercising some of the old ‘I saw it first, so there’ privilege about a particularly fine specimen some years back, but I wasn’t to know how deep that particular wound went, was I? I mean, how many hats does one man need?

What’s worse is that Kruber’s turned his attention to actually making the blessed things. Wants to share the delight of a well-made skull warmer, I guess, and that’s a hard thing to fault. Or it would be, were he any good at making the blessed things. I mean, take this one he’s made for Saltzpyre. It’s not much more than a fish on a headband, and he didn’t even stuff the fish first. It’s just flopping away with every footstep, and the smell…

I really should have a word, but the problem with Kruber is you’re never sure whether he’s being an idiot or just playing the idiot, which then makes you the fool for pointing it out. I might let sleeping fish flollop, to be honest. Let Saltzpyre handle the matter with all the wit and discretion at his disposal.

Yeah. Think I might watch. From a safe distance.